Okay here goes. I’m going to be as honest as possible. I’ll try not to be too emotional too lol.
How did it happen? Hmm…he was sick very sick apparently. I was in school when it happened so I can’t say exactly. I remember I was preparing for the leaders get together (we have that from time to time where the church leaders hangout and have some down to earth fun) one Friday night when I got a text from someone consoling me for my loss and I’m like “what are you talking about?” Well the next day my mum called and told me the big news I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore like I just didn’t believe. He passed away at the hospital five days after my 19th birthday.
Hmm my favourite memories have to be the family outings we had. He wasn’t always around because of work so I really liked the times we got to hangout as a family. I recall when we all went to Abraka beach and resort and he was just standing close to the water as we swam making sure ‘wolves’ don’t come close to his daughters lol. It was cool knowing someone was looking out for us.
Our relationship? Lol it was complicated 😂; filled with ups and downs. We weren’t exactly very close like we fought a lot😩 but he always went all out for me lol like my mum says “we know where we meet”.
What was moving on like? HARD. Like I said we weren’t all that close but it was still very hard I mean knowing you won’t see someone again for the rest of your life is a lot to take in. I took me a year to actually come to terms with what had happened. I kept telling myself “he’s at work he’ll be back soon” I couldn’t accept the truth but I had to I mean I couldn’t lie to myself forever.
Random memories… Lol yes. I remember one Christmas eve we went to a supermarket to get a cake. He told me to make a choice so I bent to take a look at the cakes that were on the lower shelves. There was a guy behind me I assumed he was waiting for me to finish so he could take a look too. My dad was standing by the side and I just heard him shout at the guy “What’s wrong with you? Move away from her until she’s done!” Lol I didn’t know what was going on so I stood up straight and my dad came to stand behind me and told me to quickly make a choice. When I finished he told the guy he could check lol. I didn’t understand what went down then but I think I do now…my father was protective.
Any support while trying to move on? I did…my mum was super amazing. Even though she was hurting she carried us so close to her heart giving us words of encouragement all the time. My friends were also supportive as well as immediate family members.
A lot changed when I tried to get back to normal. It was a big turning point for me. I realised that death can come to anyone anytime. My mind-set and lifestyle changed. Things daddy used to do for me before I had to start doing them myself. I grew up a lot faster and be more mature in my thinking and actions.
If I could say anything to him now I would say I love you dad. I never got to say that to him. We were always fighting so I wasn’t really open with him. Not telling him I love him is one of my biggest regrets till date.
My dad had this funny waist dance he used to do. He’ll be singing “shake ya waist shake ya waist” and we’ll ‘shake’ to see who could move better lol. The competition was always with him and my younger sister.
Pet peeves? I don’t think he had any or maybe I just can’t think of any right now. He really hated lateness though.
As for moving on? The Holyspirit is my helper. I was angry with God when it happened. I was hurt that after the seeds, sacrifices, prayers, fasting, and gigantic faith He still took my dad away. I went to church because my mum made me promise to go. The Sunday after I heard the news I didn’t work in church. I just sat in one corner waiting for service to be over so I could go back to my room. I don’t even know what the topic was. I was a mess I stopped praying and talking to God. Along the line I realised I was running away from the person I was supposed to be running to. I mean how can one be angry with God??? I had to advice myself that this person I was angry with is the giver of life and He calls the shots. I tried to find solace in a human being but it still wasn’t enough so then I retraced my steps to the Father and slowly I began to heal. Colossians 2:9-10 made so much sense to me and became my scripture because I found completion in Him. What I was looking elsewhere was right there in Him and I have been enjoying it since then. I became stronger and my wounds healed; I could talk about my dad without breaking down or feeling hurt. I eventually found peace in the person of the Holyspirit.
What advice or encouragement would I offer…? Hmm it’s not an easy thing but after you’ve cried enough, wipe your tears adjust your crown and keep moving because at the end of the day God knows best. No matter how bad things may be run to God. He’s the only one who can give you true comfort.
Wow I’ve really poured out myself, you know.
You are amazing Onose! Thank you so much for being vulnerable and telling your story. You guys can check Onose out at Onosetale Isimemhen on Facebook and @jozyee on Instagram. My aunt Valerie would be here next. Be sure to share it on your social media, like, comment and follow for more.
And if someone hasn’t told you today or all year I love you guys!